Why am I still living in NYC?
Plus more of your questions, answered.
Since this July, I have lived in New York for 6 years. Here are some reflections in response to your questions.
If and when I return to Georgia, it will be with a clear intention to surround myself with the smart, courageous people who inspired me to move to NYC, to begin with.
Q: Advice for someone moving to New York for the first time
A: There’s nothing I can say to ease your nervous system as you step over puddles of piss on your way to catch a crowded, soon-to-be delayed train. What I can say is that each of those inconvenient steps will literally and figuratively exercise muscles* you didn’t know existed.
*Figurative muscles in question: Your intuition, directionality, and foresight. Let the hard shit happen to you so you can wake up and realize, “Wait, hard shit doesn’t kill me.” It really doesn’t! Job rejections destabilize you. Social-climbing city friends alienate you. And constant exposure to cutesy-branded capitalism sure will taunt you. You know the drill: stumble, assess the damage, and pay attention to who’s helping you get back up.
Q: What’s the one thing that keeps you here more than any other reason?
A: My community and my growth.
I found chosen family members who will, God willing, take care of me, even if life spits me out somewhere else—simply because we became adults together.
Pre-NYC Mehreen never intended to move here. It was never the plan in my young mind’s eye. But I thank my past self for making the uncomfortable, uncharted choices that led me to my first dinky bedroom on the Upper Eastside. Instead of complacently following the paths around me in Georgia, I carefully laid each stone for my steps forward. Some stones led me to untrustworthy people and severe anxieties. So I learned how to recalibrate my compass and build around, and often in harmony with the shitty people and things. That’s not always healthy (the latest calibration I’m finetuning) and I’m not sure when I’ll tire of this cycle.
Q: Differences in the Muslim community between NYC, DC, and Georgia?
A: Hahahaha.
Let’s start with a caveat: the people we all want to escape from our suburban towns can still be found in larger cities like NYC and DC. I wish moving to a “cool city” automatically funneled every judgemental loser through a Sailor Moon-esque transformation, churning out curious, passionate young adults. But the losers are everywhere—sometimes even costumed in wokeness!
Muslim or not, most people who left their hometowns for something “more” in NYC will find community with others who left their hometowns to do the same. I immediately recognized my lofty daydreams of bettering myself + the world (LOL @ young social activist Mehreen) within my Washington DC peers. Once I moved to New York, the personas shifted from socially aware to socially beware….HA! Haha. No, really. More on this sorry-ass joke in my last answer…
In New York, the Muslims + Desis range from people who grew up in neighboring states and quickly transitioned over to the city (not fully leaving their hometown baggage behind) to truly fresh faces, like my own. Some of my friends who’ve been in NYC for 10 years will claim the “scene” was even more insidiously clout-hungry pre-Covid. I believe them.
But this caveat makes up for a haphazard 10% of my general experience with other Muslims here. New York Muslims, above all else, are years ahead of (generalized) suburban Muslim subcultures. Thanks to the inherent progressivism that comes with breathing in NYC, most Muslims here don’t have a choice other than to mind their own business, live, and let live. I’m culture-shocked when I hear stories from friends and family in the metropolitan towns we left behind. Basic traits of decency still slip through the cracks while the movers and shakers (my role models) of these communities diligently educate and push their peers forward.
If and when I return to Georgia, it will be with a clear intention to surround myself with the smart, courageous people (Muslim and non-Muslim) who inspired me to move to NYC, to begin with.
Q: When have you felt limited as a result of living here?
A: I’m not certain that I’ve felt “limited” here, but I have felt disgusted! There’s a brilliant HBO show I watched in high school/college. It’s called Girls and was written by self-proclaimed narcissist, Lena Dunham, about four young narcissists in Brooklyn. And it is so realistic, I tell people it’s like Planet Earth, but capturing the sorry vapidness of young adults in New York City. I have met and regretfully befriended people so smart and SO talented, that it’s made them sick with competitiveness and textbook narcissism. I’ve watched too many people writhe when I find success or joy. At first, I was confused and let them limit my self-perception, but it was only a limitation on my life because I let it be. And if not for the guidance of my New Yorker friends who’ve been there and done that, then I might have let this pervasive lack of sincerity scar me for good.
Your newsletters gives me hope and lots of life inspo to just be your most authentic self and the rest will follow.